June 4, 2010/12:24 a.m.

Today was a much better day – well, sort of.  I wanted to go to the Weight Watchers meeting at 9-something a.m., but since I didn’t fall asleep until 4-something a.m., I re-set the alarm to 10:20 a.m., so I could go to the 12:15 p.m. meeting.  The next thing I know, I open my eyes and it’s 12:15 p.m.!  Yikes!  I must’ve thought I was hitting the snooze button, but I must’ve hit the “turn off the alarm” button.  I jumped out of bed, threw my clothes on, and raced out the door.  I got there just before the meeting was over, so I got to hear the last few minutes, and I got to get weighed, which was the most important thing.  I needed to know, and I felt that I was ready to begin again.

I had lost 50 lbs. on Weight Watchers, and then my dear, sweet, intelligent, amazing brother died last October; and, since then (8 mos.), as of today, I’ve gained back 34 of those lbs.  I was relieved to see that I hadn’t gained it all back.  Then, later in the afternoon, I realized that I wasn’t REALLY ready, and so I decided to try to hold the line until after my nephew’s graduation on June 13^th – meaning be able to just not gain anymore – just stay the same.  I was feeling really stressed about it, because I didn’t think I could stay on program while I was away.  That’s a more realistic goal for me right now.